


And I Will Find Out Your Middle Name

by ToskaYugen



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Romance, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26330287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToskaYugen/pseuds/ToskaYugen
Summary: “My er, my Mum gave me some money.” Watching, Robin pulls out a paper envelope, chuckling to herself mirthlessly as she fiddles with one of its corners.“Said I could use it for a deposit on a flat or—” She trails off, Cormoran observing as her gaze shifts to look down at her lap.“Or wedding shoes.” He tries to ignore what affect her anguished expression has on him as she looks back up. How it simultaneously causes his breath to still and his heart to ache.Takes place during Career of Evil. Even though this is definitely to be considered as an AU to it.
Relationships: Matthew Cunliffe/Robin Ellacott, Robin Ellacott/Cormoran Strike
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	And I Will Find Out Your Middle Name

It’s above Matthews name on their— _because it is theirs isn’t it_ —wedding invitation when Cormoran first discovers Robin’s middle name. His vision tunnelling only so that he sees the crisp, white card in his hand. The blue floral pattern framing his formal invite from Mr & Mrs Ellacott. An invite to watch as she was given away, to watch as her parents placed their trust in Matthew to look after her. To protect, love and respect her.

Cormoran wondered if it was a sick joke, that whatever hand bound people together was punishing him for his past decisions. Sentencing him to a future where he would watch as Robin slipped away, chose her relationship with Matthew, put their marriage to one another above all else. And what right did he have to ask anything else of her?

A patch of skin just shy of his left shoulder throbbed in acknowledgement, as if reminding him of its existence. But he knew that didn’t change anything, not giving him anymore right of declaring Robin as his than Matthew.

So, what if her initials were scrawled across his skin? She’d made her decision, chosen Matthew in spite of her soulmate and he had to accept that, _did_ accept it.

Finally breaking his reverie, Cormoran looked back up at the couple sat across from him.

Watching them together, Matthew’s arm slung along the back of Robin’s chair, his back handed insults no doubt thought as compliments. It felt suffocating, a grasp around his windpipe that tightened with each passing second.

He needed to find an excuse, a way of getting away from the couple, if just for a few minutes. A tidal wave was bearing down on him and Cormoran had to compose himself, try and stop it from becoming all-consuming.

With the guise of going for drinks he made his exit, giving a tight lipped and brief nod to the pair before making his way over to the bar.

Just an hour or two he told himself, breathing and exhaling deeply after giving his order to the bartender. He’d lived through worse. An evening with his work partner and her fiancée should be a breeze, equivalent to a relaxed night out with friends.

Yet Cormoran couldn’t bring himself to believe it, his mind catching on the word _relaxed_ , feeling anything but.

The knowledge of Robin’s initials across his skin should have given him the strength to get through this meeting. To push aside his own misguided feelings and put Robin’s first, show that he can have a functional and respectful relationship with her partner. Because what hope would there be for them working together if he couldn’t?

As their drinks were slid across the countertop towards him, Cormoran decided to commit. Commit to putting Robin’s need’s and want’s above his own and try to have a polite conversation with Matthew. It was the least he owed her.

Grasping each glass with a growing resilience, he gave a word of thanks to the bartender before turning to make his way back to their table. Shoulders squared.

And if Robin seemed put out by Matthew’s incessant remarks Cormoran chose not to think about it.

* * *

It’s as Robin looks over one of the agencies tax returns that she first notices his middle name. _Blue_ printed in black and white.

The thought of Cormorans initials being the same as those on her right hip, it shoots straight to Robin’s mark. A tingling sensation that quickly spreads, warming her from head to toe. It’s intoxicating, thinking of her initials being scrawled across his skin. How it may look, whether they would be written on a visible part of his body or a more indecent area and then she’s thinking of Cormoran naked and— and then the phones ringing. Reality coming to crash back down around her as she brings the landline up to her ear.

It’s only after Robin’s penned down a nine thirty meeting, having bid the caller a polite farewell that her eyes drift to the engagement ring sitting heavily on her left hand.

What was she thinking? The very band of silver and it’s cut centre stone that was glinting back up at her was a statement of who she had chosen. That Robin decided to disregard the initials scrawled across her lower abdomen.

Marriage was a promise, an oath that forbid both parties from looking elsewhere. But they weren’t married, yet were they? The ring that sat on her finger was yet to be joined by a wedding band and that thought alone had been enough for her thoughts to stray.

Robin prided herself on the fact that she would always remain faithful, since Matthew slid the ring on her finger, they had both made an unspoken promise to one another. And she intended to keep it, however misguided her loyalty may be.

They’d both spoken about the initials scrawled across each other’s skin early into their relationship, both proclaiming that neither mattered to them. That they had each other and that was enough, and it still was. Wasn’t it?

Robin had always remained confident in upholding her personal integrity, that she was honest to herself no matter what. Yet ever since she first walked up those stairs at Denmark street, figuratively and literally being pulled into Cormoran’s office Robin could no longer stand by that statement. It was as if the poles had reversed, magnetic fields shifting as he asked if she was okay.

And back then she had been, the knowledge of their connection to one another yet to be unearthed. But now? Now Robin felt as if the only times she could hole heartedly say and believe she were okay was during office hours. When Cormoran was no more than a couple of feet away.

Maybe this had always been the course they were set on. To orbit one another while never truly making contact. To both go back to their own personal lives at the end of each day. Back to their own partners. And maybe, just maybe Robin was growing sick of it.

* * *

It’s as their researching Brockbank that Robin discovers Matthew cheated on her. And Cormoran swears he can feel her pain as if it’s his own. A guttural, lurching sensation that knocks him winded around ten past twelve. The feelings one that stays with him for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t difficult for Cormoran to find her, slouched down in one of the booths at the Tottenham with a half-drunk glass of wine. Her tear streaked face pulling him in like a magnet.

And then Robins telling him about her time at University. The man that tried to destroy who she was, tried to irreversibly damage her to the core. And then a piece of both their pasts is clicking into place for him.

Waking up at gone four am in a tent surrounded by military personnel with a cold sweat and shaking hands. His body convulsing uncontrollably. Cormoran knows what this means to her, divulging something so personal. Something she didn’t want to let define her. To not let others define her by it either. Only being seen as the victim.

On a certain level he understood that need to defy everyone else’s expectations. To not let your past dictate who you are in the present. That thought bringing recognition for the women sat across from him.

Not long after, both of them are making their way onto the street outside. Robin letting him lead her towards a nearby Hotel.

It’s only after she’s inside her hotel suite and he steps back outside that Cormoran finally takes a breath. Letting the crisp, evening air fill his lungs as he pulls out a cigarette, lighting it.

Matthew was blind, uncomprehending of what was right in front of him, of what he had. Robin deserved more than him, than both of them. The thought was one that had become a frequent occurrence over the passing weeks, having become acutely aware of it.

As he let out a puff of smoke, gaze landing on the figure that had been trailing them since the Tottenham. All he could hope was that he didn’t cross paths with Matthew, as Cormoran wasn’t sure he would be responsible for his own actions if he did.

* * *

It’s on the eve of their fourth day in London that he wakes to find Robin in his office. Having gotten back only days prior from Barrow-In-Furness.

The left side of her face is bathed in a red glow. Her loose strands of hair shimmering in the fluorescent lights surrounding his window.

There isn’t anything particularly different about her appearance than from the previous day. Yet Cormoran can’t help but fixate on her soft features and comforting aura. How her dimples show as she smiles down at him, eyes sparkling in the dimly lit room.

Perhaps it’s his apparent exhaustion that causes him to slip, to no longer be able to push away the incessant thoughts he’s plagued with each time she steps in or out of his office. Cormoran isn’t sure. Only aware of the fact that she’s never looked more beautiful than in this moment. In the quiet stillness of late evening. The only audible sound being the muffled beat of music vibrating through the floor below.

It’s moment’s like these that he tucks away, pushes into the crevices of his heart and mind. Uses to ease what pain he feels during her absence.

Cormoran knows he doesn’t have the right. Knows her initials being scrawled across his skin aren’t permission for him to hold onto her, of the memories they share. Even if it’s all he has. One of the few things that help him sleep at night, that sooth his heartbreak and nightmares. Neither are reasons which justify his hopeless pinging. 

But he still holds on, still can’t let go of that hopeful seed that buried itself the day he pulled her into his office. And maybe it makes him weak, being unable to do what was best for them both.

But then Robins moving in front of him and everything’s brought crashing back down. Watching as she gestures to the seat opposite.

“Can I—?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Cormoran says, shifting his leg so that it’s out of the way, giving Robin space to move and sit down. As she’s taking a seat, he rises from his slouched posture to one that’s less demanding of his throbbing knee and back.

“How was dinner?”

“Good, yeah.” She replies, distracted. They regard each other for a minute, both appearing lost in thought before Robin startles, moving to unzip her bag.

“My er, my Mum gave me some money.” Watching, Robin pulls out a paper envelope, chuckling to herself mirthlessly as she fiddles with one of its corners.

“Said I could use it for a deposit on a flat or—” She trails off, Cormoran observing as her gaze shifts to look down at her lap.

“Or wedding shoes.” He tries to ignore what affect her anguished expression has on him as she looks back up. How it simultaneously causes his breath to still and his heart to ache.

“Okay.” Nodding, he looks down at the envelope she’s still fiddling with in a desperate attempt to conceal the pain he knows will be reflect in his eyes.

“I— I think I’m going to look for somewhere else to stay.” The jolt of hope that lurches through him is almost unbearable, close to breaking what defences Cormoran had built around the knowledge of their connection.

Chancing a glance back up at her, he sees his own fear and heartbreak reflected in Robin’s gaze. The sad, knowing smile tugging at her lips being enough to shatter his own doubt and misgivings.

“I just— I wanted you to know.” Even after the words have left her mouth, she still makes no indication of leaving, sat regarding him intently. And what was he supposed to say in response? That he was sorry for Matthew? Sorry for putting her in this position?

He couldn’t, not when his own heart was spluttering uselessly in his chest with a bittersweet joy.

“I— good, that’s good, thanks for er— thanks for letting me know.” She laughs at his aborted attempt at forming a coherent sentence. The sound warming and pleasant as his mark throbs comfortingly.

“Happy to see Matthew gone, are we?”

“Robin, no, that’s not what I—” She laughs again at his stricken expression. He really was making a mess of this wasn’t he.

“I’m pulling your leg you big oaf.”

“Christ.” Cormoran mutters under his breath, beginning to chuckle along with her.

As they observe one another, he swears he can see as Robin’s expression gradually shifts, a hollow one coming to settle across her features as she turns away.

“Me and Matthew we— we’ve had our problems for a while. Ever since I started working here it just seemed to make him more resentful. And I’m not blaming our work or you, I would never. I love my job here, doing what we do, it gives me a purpose. It’s just— he couldn’t accept that. Couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I was actually happy doing something I love.” Cormoran knew that wasn’t everything, knew that Matthew’s treatment of her wasn’t all based upon his resentment for her work.

“It was only a matter of time you know. Before I left. Even if it hadn’t been finding out he cheated on me when I was—” Shaking her head Robin thought better of continuing her trail of thought.

“I like to think it was anyway.” Comoran watched as she laughed ruefully to herself, finally turning to look back at him.

“I probably wouldn’t have been strong enough in the end.”

“You would’ve” His eyes were imploring, willing Robin to believe the truth behind those words. She smiled sadly in response.

“Thanks.” He watched as her eyes shuttered close, shoulders rising and falling as she inhaled deeply before exhaling. Composing herself. When Robin’s eyes opened again there was a steely determination flickering through them.

“I should probably—” She said, briefly looking at the door to his office before turning back. Her meaning broke Cormoran out of his reverie.

“Yeah, I should too. Early morning.” Nodding, Robin rose, sliding the now crinkled envelope into her bag before moving to stand by the door as he gathered his jacket and keys. Waiting patiently.

He should tell her. Let Robin know it was her initials written on his skin. That she was the only one. That just because fate had bound them together, it wasn’t his true motivation. How ever since he first ran into her— _literally in their case_ –he’d become captivated. Trapped in the pull of her beatific smile and kind heart. The compassion she still showed even in the face of killers.

Yet he didn’t. Pushing the errant thought to the back of his mind as he followed her onto the landing outside. Cormoran turning to lock the office up behind them.

“I’ll er— I’ll see you when I see you.” Robin said, having taken a few steps down. She looked up as he turned to her. Finding a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Yeah.” He watched as she turned, beginning to make her way down the stairs and out of Denmark street.

His mind was screaming at him. The mark near his collarbone throbbing irritably as blood rushed to his ears.

“Robin.” By some divine miracle he managed to speak. Watching as she came to a halt ten or so steps down, the floorboard below her creaking as she turned to look back at him. Question glinting in her blue-grey eyes.

“You should get a cab.” Really? He thought. That’s the best you can come up with?

Robin stared at him, half-expecting Cormoran to have put what neither of them could into words. Before finally shaking her head with a fond smile.

“I will. Now go to bed. I’ll call you in the morning.” Nodding absentmindedly, he turned to begin making his way up to his flat. Unaware of Robin’s amused stare as she watched his retreating form. Before she too turned and begun descending the stairs down and out of Denmark street.

While the chapter of her life with Matthew may be closing. Robin chose to focus on the possibilities ahead of her. Of Strike and the mark that was scrawled across her hip.

She would wait. They both would.

**Author's Note:**

> These two idiots definitely need to sit down and have it out.


End file.
